yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize