Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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