He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
