apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
