Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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