True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dignity is for republicans.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
