wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just blew my weed a kiss
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
