do herpes really smell.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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