does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
