so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
