It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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