Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize