The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
