living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
