i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
