I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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