matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
