I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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