I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
