well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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