I wanna bring you to show and tell
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
