Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
