Nicole vs. Life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
