so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
