You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
