the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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