your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
