Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
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