Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
