if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
