it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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