We got so high we made milksteak
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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