if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
