I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
