Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
