I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
