Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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