Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize