So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
