You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
