My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
