Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
