Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
