i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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