i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
