Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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