How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
