I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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