wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize