i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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