Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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