I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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