At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to be your penis for a week.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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