Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
