I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
