cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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