My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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