He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
