I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
