He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
