Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
