Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
