im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
