I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
